dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
