didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
