does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
