laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You ruined the universe
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
