I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
