oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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