i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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