I hate your face
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
