I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
