Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
