my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
