I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
