Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
thus making me awesome and them whores
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
