Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
