She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
