Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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