I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
