No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
