why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
