I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
