roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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