you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
