As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
