My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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