I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
