Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize