I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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