nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
