Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
