You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
