Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
