Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
