Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize