This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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