you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
