I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
