i don't like sucking hair
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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