I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
