he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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