Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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