well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
