Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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