my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
