Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
