theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
