whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
