Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
