I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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