No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
