I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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