My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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