she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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