Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
