i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
