High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I AM VODKA MAN
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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