He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You were trust falling into bushes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
