Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
