last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
