your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
