Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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