All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
