Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
