just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
