Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
