My liver just broke up with me...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do vagina's smell?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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