peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
two words: eviction party
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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